Mr. Achievement - Stanley F. Bronstein - Personal Development BlogPersonal Development Blog of the Founder of the Achievement IQ Movement and Creator of the Laws of Positioning

Law #61

Position Yourself To Be A Listener

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand. (Sue Patton Thoele)

A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with. (Kenneth A. Wells)

Some Definitions

Deep - Extending far down from the top or surface. Covered or immersed to a specified depth. Reaching or advancing far down. Coming from far down.

Listening - To make an effort to hear something. To pay attention; heed. The act of hearing attentively.

Miracles / Miraculous - An effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers . Having or seeming to have the power to work miracles.

Both - One and the other; two together.

Listener - One who pays attention; heeds; obeys. One who gives attention with the ear.

Speaker - Someone who expresses in language; someone who talks. A person who is or was speaking.

Receives - To take or acquire (something given, offered, or transmitted); get. To hear or see. To meet with; experience.

Open Hearted - Unreserved, candid, or frank. Kindly; benevolent.

Non Judging - One who does not form a judgment or opinion of. One who does not decide upon critically.

Intense - Existing or occurring in a high or extreme degree. Acute, strong, or vehement, as sensations, feelings, or emotions.

Interest / Interested - The feeling of a person whose attention, concern, or curiosity is particularly engaged by something. Having the attention or curiosity engaged. Having an interest in something; concerned.

Spirit - The principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul. The incorporeal part of humans. An attitude or principle that inspires, animates, or pervades thought, feeling, or action.

Expand - To increase in extent, size, volume, scope, etc.. To express in fuller form or greater detail; develop.

Good - Satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree. Of high quality; excellent.

Try - To attempt to do or accomplish. To endeavor to evaluate by experiment or experience.

Understand - To perceive the meaning of; grasp the idea of; comprehend. To be thoroughly familiar with; apprehend clearly the character, nature, or subtleties of.

Other - Different or distinct from the one mentioned or implied. Different in nature or kind. Being the remaining one of two or more.

Person - The actual self or individual personality of a human being. A human being, whether man, woman, or child.

Say / Saying - To express in words; state; declare; word. To state as an opinion or judgment.

End - Termination; conclusion.

Disagree - To fail to agree; differ. To differ in opinion; dissent.

Sharply - Clearly defined; distinct. Involving a sudden or abrupt change in direction or course.

Know - To perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty. To be cognizant or aware of. To understand from experience or attainment.

Exactly - Precisely; accurately. In every respect. Quite so.

Source: Dictionary.com

So Why Should We Listen?

There are 2 reasons why we should listen:

• First, listening is a sign of respect.  By listening, intently and purposefully to another, we convince them that we actually care about what they are talking about.

• Secondly, listening is a necessary part of communication.  If we’re interested in actually knowing what other people are thinking, we are going to have to listen.  If we fail to listen, then all we will know is what we are thinking and we might be missing out on a very large piece of the puzzle.

Let’s Examine The Two Quotes

The first quote talks about idea #1 listed above.  When we listen intently to someone else, we make them feel good about communicating with us.  By listening to them, we are validating their right to have an opinion. We are not necessarily validating their opinion, but we are telling them that they have a right to have an opinion.

When we validate others, we make them feel good about themselves.  When we make others feel good about themselves, it gets them to open up and encourages them to work with us.  On the other hand, if we don’t listen, we are in effect shutting them down and telling them that they do not have a right to have an opinion.  If we tell them that, it makes them not want to work with us.

The second quote talks about idea #2 listed above.  The other reason that we want to listen to others is so that we are fully aware of their opinions.  We still can reserve the right to disagree with them, but at least we’ll know what it is that we are disagreeing with.  After all, isn’t it kind of hard to disagree with someone before we even know what it is they have to say?

A Lack Of Listening Skills Among The Masses Creates Opportunities

Unfortunately, listening is a disappearing skill.  All too often, people are taught how to express their opinions, but they are not taught to sit back and evaluate the opinions of others.

Because there is too little listening in the world, it creates an opportunity for you.

Quite simply, those who learn to listen will be more successful at working with others than those of us who never learn to listen.

Summary

One of my favorite quotes about listening is as follows:

We were given two ears and one mouth, so that means we should listen twice as much as we speak.

Listening is a skill I believe we ALL should work on.

Just once a day, try to listen to somebody throughly.  You might be surprised how it changes things.

Update - 09/24/2008

I attended an excellent meeting last night and I heard a new acronym:

W A I T

Why Am I Talking

If we would ALL ask ourselves Why Am I Talking more often, we might just become better listeners.