Law #38 - Position Yourself To Be Forgiving
by Stanley Bronstein on June 21, 2008
Law #38
Position Yourself To Be Forgiving
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. (Lewis B. Smedes)
Some Definitions
Forgive - To grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. To cease to feel resentment against. To pardon an offense or an offender.
Forgiveness - Act of forgiving; state of being forgiven. Disposition or willingness to forgive.
Set - To put into some condition. To put into some condition.
Prisoner - A person who is confined in prison or kept in custody. A person or thing that is deprived of liberty or kept in restraint. One deprived of freedom of expression or action.
Free - Enjoying personal rights or liberty, as a person who is not in slavery. Pertaining to or reserved for those who enjoy personal liberty. Clear of obstructions or obstacles.
Discover - To see, get knowledge of, learn of, find, or find out; gain sight or knowledge of (something previously unseen or unknown). To notice or realize. To notice or learn, especially by making an effort.
Source: Dictionary.com
What Is Forgiveness?
For me, forgiveness has primarily ceasing to feel resentment against those whom I felt injured me in the past.
For you, it may be something entirely different. Perhaps someone harmed you or someone close to you. Perhaps someone stole money from you. Perhaps someone mistreated you in business. I’m sure most of us feel that we have been harmed one way or another from time to time.
Whatever harms you perceive have been done to you will determine the form your forgiveness will have to take.
Forgiving Is A Tough Thing To Learn How To Do
I know in my life, I have had a few instances where I really feel like people have not treated me as well as I deserved. I’d be willing to bet you could probably say the same thing.
Fortunately, I have had MANY, MANY, MANY more good things happen to me in my life than bad, and for that I am incredibly grateful.
However, as I’ve gotten younger (I’m now 49 years young), more experience and wiser, I have been able to let go of about 99% of the things that have happened to me in my life that bred a great deal of resentment inside of me. By forgiving the one whom I perceived harmed me, there was no longer a need to feel any of the resentment that I’ve harbored in the past.
Sometimes, We Can’t Learn How To Forgive Until We Need To Be Forgiven
I’ve never seen a more perfect example of this than in the recent Sex and the City movie (2008). In that movie, Miranda (one of the 4 main characters) was unable to forgive her husband for having cheated on her. No matter how hard her husband tried and no matter how sorry he was for having harmed her, Miranda simply could not let it go. She basically said that she would NEVER forgive her husband, despite the fact that she loved him deeply.
Shortly after this happened, Miranda (in the heat of the moment), said some very negative comments about marriage, to Carrie’s (another main character) husband to be on the night before their wedding. She basically told him that marriage was a horrible idea and that he and Carrie would be fools if they went through with their wedding. She didn’t mean it, but she was very angry over what her husband had done to her.
Already being afraid of marriage, Carrie’s husband to be left her on the altar and didn’t show up for their wedding. Carrie was humiliated and very angry.
Carrie didn’t find out about what Miranda did until about 6 months later. When she found out, she was so angry that she refused to forgive Miranda.
A few days later, Miranda shows up at Carrie’s apartment and tells her, you have to forgive me. Carrie’s response is that well, if I have to forgive you, perhaps you need to forgive your husband for what he did to you.
Bingo! - That says it all right there.
Miranda went on to forgive her husband and get back together with him and Carrie ultimately wound up marrying her husband to be, albeit it 6 months later than originally planned.
Why Do We Need To Forgive?
As the quote suggests, we need to forgive because it sets us free. And what is freedom? It is to clear all obstacles and obstructions from our path.
When you forgive, you are clearing the way for you to move forward. As an ancient proverb says:
If the pathway is clear, one should not seek to throw stones in their own way.
I’m suggesting that one way to clear the pathway ahead of you is to forgive; both others and yourself. By doing so, you will remove all obstructions and obstacles in your path.
Until next time, take care, my dear friends.Mr. Achievement
Stanley F. Bronstein
Attorney & CPA
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 am
For a long time, I was under the impression (may be I was taught that way too) that forgiveness is for the others. But I experienced what you are saying in this article - it is better for us than for them. Absolutely right.
Keep the good articles coming. Thank you.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:06 am
Joseph:
Thanks for your kind words.
As I state above, there are two sides to forgiveness. BOTH are equally important.
Forgiveness is sometimes a very difficult task, but it is frequently worth it. Sometimes though, one must heal a little bit before they are ready to forgive.
Stanley Bronstein
MrAchievement