Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

I’ll give you an example that happened to me, just this morning, about how deflection is just a more graceful way of opposing.

I’ve been doing business with one particular company for the past 15 years. Over those 15 years they have been bought out by a HUGE company and everything has become more rigid and structured (in other words, they do a much better job of telling people no and simply apologizing for it – as opposed to simply fixing the problems).

They messed up on one of my bills from 6 months ago. When I received the bill 6 months ago, I paid it promptly and 2 weeks later my check to them cleared the bank. In other words, the bill was paid.

I received an “impersonal” email this morning stating my account had been turned over to Collections for failing to pay the bill and they were about to turn off my service. No warnings, no nothing. They simply said I hadn’t paid so you go to collections.

When I attempted to call collections, I get a woman’s voicemail box that is full, so no messages can be left. I call the company directly and I get one person who tells me to simply ignore it if I already paid it.

I told her that I learned a long time ago to NOT ignore collection notices and I needed a supervisor to help me get it fixed. When I got the supervisor, she told me, you need to call collections, I can’t help you – that’s it. She was belligerent, which certainly didn’t help me to relax. I finally told her, fine, I’ll call collections – have a nice day.

IN THAT CONVERSATION, I WAS OPPOSING HER. SHE PERCEIVED ME AS HER OPPOSITION AND IMMEDIATELY BECAME DEFENSIVE. Neither the fact that I had evidence that her company had already been paid, nor the fact that I was a 15 year customer meant anything to her. I was her opposition and she didn’t like because because I wasn’t willing to do it her way. So, I finally gave up. I stopped opposing her.

I then went to the corporation’s website and found a phone number for their national corporate office. I spoke with the receptionist in a nice manner and she immediately put me through to the secretary for the president of the company.

I explained the situation to the secretary and told her that as a 15 year customer, I was growing very concerned about the way their billing department / collections department is doing business. I then asked if she could get someone personally, on her end, to look into my account and have the appropriate people get back to me so we can resolve the matter promptly. She said she would and I have no doubt that she will. THIS WAS AN EXAMPLE OF DEFLECTION. I was still opposing what the company was telling me (that my bill was unpaid), but I was doing it in a much more graceful way.

That’s what I mean by deflection being a more graceful form of opposition.

Stanley Bronstein

You say deflecting is a more graceful way of opposing, and I’m not disagreeing with you at all, I think I get what you’re saying but perhaps you can elaborate a little more on exactly what deflecting something you might want to oppose is?

Thanks for the great resource!