5 Ways To Get The Respect You Deserve
by Stanley Bronstein on January 23, 2009
Respect – Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. Deferrence to a right, privilege, privileged position or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment.
Esteem – To regard highly or favorably.
Worth – Usefulness or importance. Excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem.
5 Ways To Get The Respect You Deserve
1) What Goes Around Comes Around
Treat Others As You Want Them To Treat You Because What Goes Around Comes Around (Author Unknown)
This is step #1 on the Road to Respect. If you don’t understand this one, you’re not going to do very well with the other steps.
This is the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Think about it. If you won’t even both to respect others, why should they both to respect you ?
2) Never Take Away Another Person’s Respect
Never Take A Person’s Dignity: It Is Worth Everything To Them, And Nothing To You. (Frank Barron)
Dignity – Bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect. Nobility or elevation of character; worthiness.
This is yet another application of the Golden Rule.
How can you expect someone to respect you if you are working against them to strip them of their own respect ?
3) Respect Starts With You – Take Responsibility
Don’t Rely On Someone Else For Your Happiness And Self Worth. Only You Can Be Responsible For That. If You Can’t Love And Respect Yourself – No One Else Will Be Able To Make That Happen. Accept Who You Are – COMPLETELY; The Good And The Bad – And Make Changes As YOU See Fit – Not Because You Think Someone Else Wants you To Be Different (Stacey Charter)
This is a hard one for many people. Our society does not always encourage people to take responsibility for their actions. All too often, we are encourage to blame others.
For example, the government regulators keep saying they had no idea the current economic crisis was going to occur. They keep avoiding responsibility. The truth is that any regulator who wants to be honest, will have to bear some responsibility.
I believe that NOW is as good of a time as any to start taking responsibility FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS.
After all, if you can’t control you, who can ? If you can’t respect yourself, why should anyone else do so ?
4) Respect Other People’s Opinions
Show Respect For The Other Person’s Opinion. Never Tell A Person They Are Wrong. (Dale Carnegie)
Once again, this is treating others as you would have them treat you.
If you tear someone down; if you tell them they are wrong (ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS), all you are doing is creating an enemy.
You can tell people you respectfully disagree, especially in private, but in public do your best to maintain civility and to help the other person save face.
After all, if you make it a habit to constantly tear down others around you, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC, what’s going to keep others from doing the same thing to you ?
5) You Must Earn Your Respect
Respect Is Earned, Not Given Freely. (Author Unknown)
Earn – To gain or get in return for one’s labor or service. To merit as compensation, as for service. To acquire through merit.
This is probably the most important of the 5, as it ties the first 4 together.
If you don’t earn the respect you want, you’re probably not going to get it.
You have to merit it through your actions. After all, if you don’t do what it takes to earn the respect of others, why should they pay any attention to you at all ?
What Do You Think?
I want to know what you think. Please share your thoughts below.
Some Recommended Reading
Article on Respect from the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
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Until next time, take care.
Stanley F. BronsteinHave you checked out my website that profiles the benefits of walking? iWarriorWalk.com
May 9th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I am not so sure if I believe what this article says? I am good to other people. I choose my words carefully and give more then I receive back. Yet I am disrespected by my Boyfriend and it is spreading to his friends & their familiy. Today he left before I woke up (they picked him up) and he went fishing and then out to lunch with their whole family. I needed my keys to my car that he took with him & I called his cell phone, his friends cell phone, his mothers cell and the house phone and they ignored me as if I deserved it. I don’t know why I am getting this treatment but I don’t care anymore. It can’t continue. If treating someone the way you want to be treated was the answer then I would not have spent mothers day being ignored while they enjoyed their wonderful holiday.
May 10th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Kandi:
Your situation sounds unfortunate.
Let’s take the principles about respect a step further as you answer this question:
What type of respect does your boyfriend deserve?
He is treating you the way he wants to be treated (which is poorly).
Notwithstanding, it is apparently not in your nature to do such a thing, so you choose to avoid doing so (which is admirable).
The problem is that there is an imbalance here. You want one thing (respect) and he wants another. If there is hope of him changing and you feel there is a reason to help him change, then help him. If there is not hope of him changing or there is inadequate reason to help him change, then help yourself . . .
June 8th, 2010 at 5:41 am
I have been thinking about what you said and it leaves me with more questions then answers – (which is not a bad thing). What would you do if you found yourself in a family situation where gossip and little stories were creating a reputation for you that was untrue? Common sense says that the first thing to do would be to address the stories and clarify your position right? Once you address the stories with the people you love it is suppose to eliminate the problem. What if it doesn’t? Are there people out there who gravitate towards making you out to be a bad person? Like People who actually look for bad things to say about their own family members? I am one of three children. The other two have had documented problems in their past like drugs & DUI’s ect. My Mom is very strict on her views that we don’t discuss these things or repeat stories about these incidents because of the possible damage that they could do to personal lives ect. However, she will go out of her way to entertain a negative story about me and share it with anyone who will listen regardless of whether it has merit or not. When confronted with these “stories” and my innocense is cleared the reputation under construction does not dicipate. It seems as if repeating these negative stories on a regular basis creates a type of history for the person who is subjected to them. If I am not there to constantly clear my name, or If I am unaware of some that are being told so they remain unaddressed they become some sort of “truth” between those who have shared them. I refuse to live under an unearned reputation. My integrity is important to me. I thought that removing myself from these people would help. I stayed away for a year without any contact with any of them period. When I returned to visit, I found this reputation still there and looming. It never stopped and in fact became worse. How? “Heresay”. Things like saying “this person saw someone who looked like me driving in a direction towards an undesireable neighborhood” last week. My family member responds with “only low lifes and drug adicts live in that area”. She must be on drugs. Maybe thats why she has not talked to us in a year? She must be hiding it. Why else would someone avoid their own family. They see each other often, so they exchange their little assumptions and over time they become “the truth” because they dont stop to think that they have no merit or may never have occured at all. Its like an automatic prompt response on my behalf. I was away for a year, but in their minds they already knew my history of what I had been doing the whole time I was away. It is not possible to address every assumption they made about it. Eventually they all come out in little stories later. No one wants to admit who is telling them. Even when caught on paper they do not take responsibility for their actions. How would you get respect in a situation like that? Is it possible? Could you turn something like that into a positive?
June 8th, 2010 at 5:46 am
PS
My Human Relations class is sharing your articles and reading your website. We are interested in knowing more about your views. Point us in the right direction with anything new that you have to share.
May 17th, 2010 at 2:09 am
In today’s complex world, we cannot afford to not recognize that employees have a life outside of work. And, in some cases, this life presents difficult challenges. The respected manager shows compassion, listens, and makes allowances where possible to show a human side.
http://mixxmind.blogspot.com/2010/05/ten-ways-to-get-respect.html
May 17th, 2010 at 2:11 am
One of the fastest ways to destroy morale and the employee’s will to do more is to allow the slackers to slack. Managers who address performance issues head on are seen as strong leaders with clear vision
http://mixxmind.blogspot.com/2010/05/ten-ways-to-get-respect.html
June 8th, 2010 at 9:58 am
The best advice I can give you is to politely and calmly confront the offending person and tell them you deserve more respect than they are giving you.
People have a tendency to pick themselves up by putting the people around them down. That’s what it sounds like is happening to you.
Sometimes, if the situation is bad enough, we have to get away from those people. Hopefully that will not be the case in your situation.
Stanley Bronstein
July 1st, 2010 at 8:03 am
I read your comment slowly. It is kind of a sad story. You have been ignored by your boy friend and his family. Don’t feel sad. Everyone have this day. Bad and Good are living together now days. They are opposite forever but they are face to face every day. Hope that your life will getting better soon.
September 9th, 2010 at 2:07 am
I’m surprised at the number of people that just don’t get this, let alone put it into action. I agree with it all. I just don’t know what to do for the disrespecting people that I have to work for, and have to be around.?? Any suggestions??
September 9th, 2010 at 4:24 am
My best suggestion is to not let the fact that others are disrespectful stop you from being the good person you are.
If you are good and you want to do good, then by all means continue to do good.
In the long-run, you will get more respect that way than by falling into the “pit” that disrespectful people have fallen into.
So in conclusion, my best advice is be good and be who you are !!!
Stanley Bronstein
May 9th, 2011 at 3:14 am
My dear this is the common figure in lives.However you can not find a very right answer to family disrespect apart from being tolerant.
You have to continuously sell your dignity and one day you will see them respecting you rather.Otherwise respect is not always acquired by performing miracles, JESUS would have been respected/honored by ROMANS.
May 31st, 2011 at 6:12 am
My ex-wife cheated on me and left me to raise our 2 year old son on my own. I’m a good dad and person but no matter what i do pr say she has no respect for me and hates me with the utmost intensity. Some people find the worth in taking other peoples dignity.